I am SO EXCITED that my last chemo is coming up this Friday.
The fatigue this time around is really out of control. I can barely manage folding clothes. Even showering is exhausting. It just leeches every bit of life force from you.
To top that off, I got a supremely gnarly cold last Saturday that is STILL working itself out. The coughing is a rattling freak-fest. My lung capacity is very low.
Sorry, the rest of this is going to be the rantings of a chemo-fied lunatic.
My last visit with Dr. Dummypants really REALLY angered me. She casually said that the cancer would come back..
We were like "really?.. uh... " and she kind of closes her eyes and nods "90% chance it'll return". She gives me a gentle pat like "there there". OMG I wanted to cut her arm off.
I know my cancer is aggressive. I know all of it.. how relentless it is, and that it grows slowly but just keeps coming.
Why tell me that, though? Why put a percentage into my head? Healing is 99.9999999% in your mind (I believe). Who is she to say that? She doesn't know me. Plus, I'm her only patient ever with Large Cell Neuroendocrine cancer. EVER. Did she get this number from a journal? Perhaps she saw it on Wikipedia. MY GOD I dislike that woman. I really need a new doctor. I'm so aggravated about it. Stress isn't helping, I'm sure.
ANYWAY, last day Friday which will be so good.
Radiation /might/ be happening but I won't know for a few weeks. PLEASE please please don't let it happen. I hate it so much. I just want some time to live a normal life and not always be dealing with this.
Lalalala... sunshine and lollipops.
Pfffft.
