State Workers

You know what they say, don't you? About state workers??

Anyway, I was blessed with an exceptionally dim-witted processor. I can't even call her a processor since she hasn't processed anything.

Here's a nice and incompetent story for you.

I called my case worker last Monday. I hadn't heard a thing from the state. Not a letter of denial, nothing. She greets me and says "I'm so sorry, I've been sooo busy and backed up. Have you gotten your card yet?".

:O

"My card???"

"Yes, your benefits card"..

*pin drop*

HALLELUJAH!! No way. NOOO FREAKIN' WAY! Seriously??

She said it'd be faster to come down and pick it up. I made an appointment for the following Thursday.

I went to the state office. I waited.. and waited. A woman came out and called for "Melissa Oleson". That's not my name, but a dim twinkling of doom awoke in my fevered head. What if she mistook me for this other Melissa?
Nahh...

I'm waiting 40 minutes now for our scheduled meeting. She walks back in and calls my name. She apologizes and says she had me mixed up with another Melissa. See.. she has TWO Melissa's to deal with so, clearly, it's out of her realm of management to have TWO people with the same names in her case load.

Still they haven't determined my case.

Did I work? Yes. *bad*

Do I have kids? No. *more bad tsk tsk sounds*

She'll try but the system just isn't geared for uninsured people without kids.

*claw hands*

Whatever. I left there and cried a bit. No big deal. Mistakes happen. I was just very relieved... for a moment.

I had chemo again on Friday.

I slept ALL DAY today. Got up, showered and left for my noon appointment for my Neulasta shot. Came back and slept until like 4:30. I NEVER sleep like that but, of course, my body wanted it so I gave in.

Something inside me rails against sleep. I think it's my father's voice saying "losers sleep in" type of deal. Can't get anything done if you sleep, right? RIGHT! Loser.

Anyway, prior to my chemo there is always the appointment with the doctor.

Dr. Dummypants is what I like to call her. She casually mentions she wants to see if "they" think radiation would be good as the cherry on the top of my chemo sundae.

Once a day for 5 weeks. Weekends off, of course.

WAHHHHHHHHHH!!

Are you serious? Tell me you're kidding Dummypants. I can't take it anymore.

But hey, she said it's another step in eradication. Ok. Fine. ERADICATION.

My legs pain me so I am very pissy atm. :P

I don't want any more radiation or any kind of treatment. I want to walk out of the Lemmen Holton Cancer Pavilion and never ever walk back in. EVER. I don't want to see doctors or nurses or tubes or needles.

Holy shit. I can't tell you how many times I've been stuck with a needle in the past several months. It doesn't bother me much at all. BUT COME ON!

The stupid infusion machine that beeps when you're done and beeps when the battery is low. Don't sit in the cafe for too long or outside away from a plug because it will beep and make your ears bleed.
Please please just let me be done with this. Let me get back to boring life and my "it'll never happen to me" attitude.

Let me deal with my gigantic mound of bills and roll down that hill and watch it shrink as it fades into the distance. PLEASE???

The Love and the Hate

LALALALA.. I am the State of Michigan and I'm not listening...

Since I have been diagnosed with cancer (and of course before) I've felt very healthy and good. Cancer was a shock since I didn't feel sick in that way.

I've been weathering chemo rather nicely but now that I've been given good news (remission) Chemo has hit me the hardest.

My feet are constantly tingling. It's SOOOO AGGRAVATING! I want to claw at things. I feel generally icky. But I keep telling myself "only two more chemo's" and FREEDOM! Oh and hair. :D

I just want to whine. I'm glad no one really reads this (and they should stop here if they are) because it's a whinefest.

The pain in my legs is lasting much longer too. It scares me a bit. My sugar is all over the place because of these DUMB ASS steroids. My chemo nurse ramped the steroids down but it only seems to have worsened the negatives. I wanted to do so to control the sugar fluctuation. The higher your sugar, the worse the neuropathy.

I just want to prevent long term damage to my nerves from these incredibly toxic chemicals that are killing my cells but saving my life?

Chemo, I love you I hate you. I utter my particular chemotherapy drug names "carboplatin" "taxol" to myself. Makes me feel less prone to their power but it also terrifies me.

My regular doctor, whom I adore, was a bit shocked to learn of the chemo drugs I was being given. I forget his particular wording but I think he referred to them as "the big guns". He said his mom likes to run around saying she "went through chemo" and he would roll his eyes at her and say "Mom, you had hot flashes.. " because her particular chemo was in pill form and very "light".

I love doctor Bob. He is sweet and kind and will leave his hand to linger over yours or on your back. His bedside manner is spectacular.

The last appointment I had with him, he didn't charge me. I went to the car (feeling very weak after my first chemo experience) and Jill went to pay for the appointment.

No charge.

He knows I don't have insurance.

If same sex couples could marry.. I'd have awesome insurance. Jill is insured by the teachers union.

Still no word from Medicaid. Bills keep piling up. Over $60,000.00 now. I just look at it and laugh. Laugh and laugh and then try to shove the bulking folder back into it's resting place.

Either Medicaid will help or I will be claiming medical bankruptcy.

It's been since January that I applied for Medicaid and NO WORD from that agency. Michigan is in the pooper so maybe they're just pretending no one is applying for help.

HEWP HEWP HEWP!