Second Verse Same As The First

Ladies and Gentlemen... welcome to round 2 of chemo!

My doctor called today and my biopsy did show cancer.

Back to the drawing board.

Same as before.

Carboplatin and Taxol on a Friday, Neulasta shot on Monday.

OH I CAN'T WAIT TO LOSE MY HAIR AGAIN.

Just thinking about the smell of the "Gold Pod" where all the people w/o insurance go to get their chemo is so intoxicating. Nectar of the gods, really. If only they could bottle it.

There is a sectioned off area for the REAL chemo patients whose bills get paid. But now my bills are paid by the state. I wonder if they'll put me in a fancier pod. Maybe they have Wii's on their little TV's and butlers. A girl can dream.

I'm so tired right now. Underneath it all, I'm just really pissed off.

Buy Opsy

NODE JUICE!

On Tuesday (Feb. 15th) in the year of our lord, 2011... a needle was stuck into my chest cavity and extracted was a few sips of Node Juice.

You heard me...

Since my nodes seem to be so active and playful, we thought it best to get to the lymph node and biopsy and see if any of those cells are nasty and mutated. I'm tired of the waiting game and the scans. I've had enough scans to last me 4 lifetimes.

This was a CT guided scan. They hooked me up to oxygen and Versed (yummy) and a pain killer. Then they scan my chest. Hey! There's a big node, let's go for that one. They stick the needle in some. Then they scan again and now they know to go left or right or spin in circles... what have you. They do this several times until at last, the doctor arrives at the node. Then he took a few samples from it and voila! Node Juice anyone? Mmmm... the notes are just singing! I need a proper snifter so the bouquet can build.

Ok, enough of the Node Juice humor.

It was about 4 hours in the hospital including the procedure. Jamie and Jill came to entertain me. It was chaos @ Blodgett apparently.

Yesterday I came home and had a bit of a melt down. I have some huge bruises from injections and for some reason, the camel's back broke and so did I. I couldn't stop crying. Afterwards I did feel a lot better. A good cry is worth its weight in tears. Wait, that's not much weight. Weight, that's not much wait.

I digress.

Blah blah blah

blah blah BLAH blah blah...

My Dr.'s mouth moves and I watch it move and I notice how dark her eyeliner is and that she says her "nanny had to work the last school carnival" and she wished she didn't have to tonight and also wished that private Christian schools served beer at such functions.

SO WEIRD.

My lymph nodes are big and little and little and big. Increasing in size here, staying the same there, etc.

Deep in my chest is a larger lymph node that has increased in size since my last scan. She still wonders if I'm having residual chemo stuff or lung irritations (so true). She is going to find out if "they" can biopsy this lymph node but it's in a complicated place among branches and mushrooms and cobwebs and I guess not-so-easy to access.

It'd be an outpatient thing and they'd sedate me somewhat. I can only imagine the scene in Pulp Fiction where they stab Uma Thurman with an adrenaline filled needle about 1 foot long. WUT??? NOOOO!!

Still, I will have yet ANOTHER scan in 6 weeks. HOLYOMGNOWAYPLEASESOMEONEHELP not another scan. Whatever, though. It's not good news, it's not bad news.. it's no news.

I'm still in stasis. Should I feel relaxed? Should I worry? I guess it'll never be fully gone and I'll never fully relax over this. I will imagine it dormant and ready to wake in my cells and start mutating and spreading. I have to get that image out of my mind and think of it simply as gone. Just healthy normal cells, chillin'.

Hi, I'm a heart cell.. wooo.. doin' my heart thing. Waazzuppppp???

Hey, I'm a liver cell.. stinky up in here.... did someone pee?

It is what it is. One day at a time. No news is good news. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Oh, that last one didn't really belong but hey, I love me some overused idioms.

PLAH. STOP LOOKIN' AT ME!