Blah blah blah

blah blah BLAH blah blah...

My Dr.'s mouth moves and I watch it move and I notice how dark her eyeliner is and that she says her "nanny had to work the last school carnival" and she wished she didn't have to tonight and also wished that private Christian schools served beer at such functions.

SO WEIRD.

My lymph nodes are big and little and little and big. Increasing in size here, staying the same there, etc.

Deep in my chest is a larger lymph node that has increased in size since my last scan. She still wonders if I'm having residual chemo stuff or lung irritations (so true). She is going to find out if "they" can biopsy this lymph node but it's in a complicated place among branches and mushrooms and cobwebs and I guess not-so-easy to access.

It'd be an outpatient thing and they'd sedate me somewhat. I can only imagine the scene in Pulp Fiction where they stab Uma Thurman with an adrenaline filled needle about 1 foot long. WUT??? NOOOO!!

Still, I will have yet ANOTHER scan in 6 weeks. HOLYOMGNOWAYPLEASESOMEONEHELP not another scan. Whatever, though. It's not good news, it's not bad news.. it's no news.

I'm still in stasis. Should I feel relaxed? Should I worry? I guess it'll never be fully gone and I'll never fully relax over this. I will imagine it dormant and ready to wake in my cells and start mutating and spreading. I have to get that image out of my mind and think of it simply as gone. Just healthy normal cells, chillin'.

Hi, I'm a heart cell.. wooo.. doin' my heart thing. Waazzuppppp???

Hey, I'm a liver cell.. stinky up in here.... did someone pee?

It is what it is. One day at a time. No news is good news. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Oh, that last one didn't really belong but hey, I love me some overused idioms.

PLAH. STOP LOOKIN' AT ME!