Ah bin RADEATED!!11/11122

Seriously, this has to stop.

I don't know if I can take 20 more treatments. Well.. 23 with the High Dose Radiation Brachy Therapy things.

I'm sooo tired. Like after you have too much sun. That kind of tired. Your eyelids are like "hey, I know! LET'S SLEEP!". All the time. Then, when I try to sleep my mind races and I can't.

My hair is attempting to grow back. This crazy looking duck fuzz. I hope I don't grow Albert Einstein hair. :(

My eyebrows are itching so I think they're attempting to grow back. We'll see. I'm pretty sure I"ll remain bald for a long time. When I was little, I didn't get hair until I was 2! It came in blonde and curly. My duck fuzz looks white. BABY JESUS, PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME WHITE HAIR! I swear I will go into an ugly cry right this second. Ugliest cry ever, actually. A face only a mother could love.

Speaking of mothers...

We went to visit my mom a week ago. It was shocking, devastating, fascinating and very very sad. She didn't even ask about my head wrap, which was good. She'd forget anyway if I explained it all.

She told us all about her new boyfriend. How he has 2 daughters and sometimes she watches them but they're old enough to put themselves to bed. Also, her new boyfriend read a book about how NOT to get fresh with her. Apparently she read it first. This boyfriend also dances a lot and does moves on the floor...

He also carries games and tricks with him in various pockets. I guess my mom is dating Homer Simpson.

All this is fantasy. Jill and I listened to every word and asked her questions. She seemed to always have the answer, which was a bit odd. I told Jill it was like she was dreaming out loud. You know when you're dreaming but it's kind of like you're starring in a movie? That's how it sounded.

She looked beautiful though. I didn't even have to do her nails, some nurse had done them. They were pink and pretty and my sister had just done her hair. She had a lovely outfit on too. My sweet mom. She's blissfully free of complicated thoughts. Sometimes I'd love to be in that head space.

I had a dream about her last night. She was in a house like my cousins growing up. She fell out the window and I freaked out. She had busted all of the panes out and they were wide open.

I also dreamed I had to get a small cat out of a house... perhaps to the vet? I was putting him in Jessica's car except her car was rusted and beaten and looked like the biggest piece of crap ever on 4 wheels.

I got outside and I could smell gasoline. Suddenly it was a small flat bed truck and a keg like thing was on it filled with gas and leaking at the top/nozzle.

My brother Bob (Jessica's dad) jumped up and started unscrewing the cap and pressure started hissing out and gas.. and the two combined ignited his hand. I screamed for him to step away and he did.. he jumped down off the bed and the keg catapulted into the air. I knew that when it landed it would explode so I waited for it.

I laid down and pulled him down with me and a beautiful explosion occurred.

I've been watching "Through the Wormhole" with Morgan Freeman. Some of it I have to rewind and watch over for my head to completely wrap around the concepts.

Apparently a replica universe (one of many) exists at the end of the universe. Sort of like a hologram. Bits of information about my face, my hands.. me in general exist in many levels. Perhaps in alternate universes a fraction of an inch away from ours.

A fraction of an inch? Oh and time is always overlapping. The information of a Tyrannosaur is still floating about and could be sitting on my head right now.

Traveling at the speed of light.. time slows down. Tick-tocks get slower.

Universes spiral and dance around a black hole kind of like atoms. Macroverse and Universe.

I've always been fascinated at replications. Our solar system is like an atom. The sun it's nucleus. Veins mimic cracks in the pavement. That's all about the laws of physics and how things fracture... and fractals. FRACTALS OMG!! So beautiful.

And I progress.