I wish my chemo stations looked like this.
I re-started chemotherapy today. I was SO PSYCHED! Nothing beats chemo.. except maybe a slow starvation. Or perhaps if you fall from a tall cliff in the middle of nowhere and you are stuck in a canyon and can't move because all of your bones are broken.
Sarcasm helps me stay sane.
Anyway, we went directly to the Gold Pod where I'd been treated before. Amy (my chemo nurse) met us and said everything was set up in the other pod because now we were paying patients.... My lip quivered... I nearly cried. Amy assured me that she'd take care of it and if I wanted to, I could have the rest of my appointments with her. "ONLY if you want to". I was like "OF COURSE I WANT TO, AMY... I NEED YOUUUU" and she got a little misty eyed.
I was very upset.
We got there @ 9 for our appointment and, of course, with anything at Lemmen-Holton we waited an hour for our 9 am appt. and got in @ 10 am. I was getting furious.
Seeing Amy was something I actually was looking forward to. Amy jokes about her "golden boy" brother in-law who if favored by her husband's parents. She's said awful things about him that I cannot share in public but they made me love her forever and ever. When I had to get poked for a second time on a blood test because the blood draw lab failed to follow up, she was furious and made sure that never happened again. Made more work for herself because of it.
She called in a prescription very late and waited for Jill to come pick it up. She gives her heart to her patients and that is rare. I mean, that I've experienced. I know there are a ton of health workers in it because they care, but they don't care for me. :P I always feel like a #, save Amy and another moment with a very kind male nurse.
ANYWAY.. Amy came over to the other "pod" and said she took care of it all, fixed this and that blah blah blah and YAY!!! I'm so glad. At the very end she said "I have something to tell you that might cheer you up.... One of us three is pregnant" she pointed to Jill, me and herself. We squealed for her. We cried for her. She'll be a great mom because she already knows she'll be a terrible mom. Y'know? She's amazing and I love her.
It was a hellish 7 hours. The first time you go, they "ramp up" which means they start slow and then increase the flow of the meds. Usually it takes around 5 hours. The Benadryl really effects me, so I was woozy and slept on and off. It makes me feel so out of it.
They give you saline which makes you pee like crazy.. but then the Benadryl makes you feel like you are going to bump into walls when you walking. Then they gave me Pepcid (for nausea) and a steroid. Carboplatin and Taxol are the chemo drugs. My doctor had a syringe of Adivan ordered for me (which I never had before but Dr. Dummypants likes to get shit wrong with me). Adivan is for stress relief and nausea. It also makes you very sleepy so I said no.
Hopefully the leg pain isn't too bad this time around. Who knows. I felt fairly nauseous all night and didn't want to eat really. I usually don't feel that either. Mostly I feel fine though.
I cut Jill's hair tonight and that was a lot of fun. Poor girl lets me do anything and actually believes in me. How'd I get so lucky?
Sometimes I wish I had my chemo by myself though. I feel like I have to worry about Jill being entertained. I know she doesn't FEEL that way but it always makes me feel bad. Like, if I want to sleep I have to make sure she's OK and busy or has something to do. No way for her to sleep really because the chair she sits in is not comfy like mine. No reclining fancy stuff.
Lisa stopped by for lunch and we all ate together which was nice. I need one of those sleeping masks though because lights are bright. (*_*)
How are you feeling now? Do you feel nauseous for days, or how does that work? Excuse my ignorance.
ReplyDeleteYour previous post was so moving to me. Reading your thoughts about mortality. I especially bonded with "On one hand, I'm practical. On the other, I'm superstitious." You are so, so capturing the essence.
The thing I worry about (and therefore so must at least ~some~ of your friends and family): do you get irritated by other people reacting strongly to what are really "small" events in their lives, compared to the scale you're thinking on right now?
I've always thought, in your shoes, being forced to really face my own mortality, I'd be both envious and irritated by other people dealing with their trivialities. But that's my imagination, and maybe I wouldn't feel that way. How is it, on your end?
As always, I admire your words, the way you are capturing all these moments so succinctly. I feel like I met Amy, briefly. I feel your joy that she's pregnant, and love the comment about how she knows she'll be a terrible mom.
I feel like I'm viewing you through a secret window, reading this blog in the middle of nowhere.
It means so much that you hear me the way you do. It just makes me feel better. Not that I want to expound but you get it and that's so precious to me. Priceless.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, when people talk about their problems, I never think of my cancer. I just don't. I like to put it aside and try and focus on the now. I could get lost in my thoughts/fears but I refuse to. I like to hear people's little problems. I like to watch stupid TV and things like that. It's like white noise.. a mental vacation.
There are times when I think people are being callous, of course. Or inconsiderate, rather. It makes me sad but that's about it.
xoxo