Thursday, January 28, 2010

M.R.I.. wish I wasn't claustrophobic.


BRAIN SCAN!

What a crazy experience. They lay you down, put a hockey mask over your face and tell you to sit still for 45 minutes...

I passed the place because the sign was barely visible through the thick white of snowfall. I had to double back. Nice enough place but I was nervous just because I get nervous when I don't know what to expect. I was also hesitant because of my semi-claustrophobia.

"Lay down.. shoulders here.. head here.. is this pulling your hair? put in these earlpugs.. whatever you do, don't move.. is this comfortable? arms here or here.. where is your IV for the contrast (seriously? have you eyes?) here's the ball, squeeze it if you need us"

I had to get over the initial feeling of being trapped. I felt something sitting on my stomach too.. which was a bit off-putting. Then her voice distant through ear plugs "are you ready Melissa?"

YESSSS MASTERRRRRR.....

The noise-techno music started. Fairly loud.. shocking really. I can't imagine what I'd have thought w/o ear plugs. SUPER loud.. bzzz.. bop... bzzz... bop.. chigga chigga chigga chigga..
That was the first test. 4 minutes she said.
No sweat.

Second test. SUPER LOUD. Vibrating me, shaking the bed. It went on so long it started sounding like something different. Robot speak. While my eyes were closed (I kept them closed the entire time because I was afraid to see how encapsulated I was) I kept seeing weird water like images. I wish I could draw them in real time. I'll add a psuedo image but they were almost like concentric circles overlapping each other like waves. I thought "am I seeing the magnetics?". I felt like I was beginning to hallucinate.


In retrospect, it's a sort of deprivation chamber. No light, mean temp, but there was plenty of sound.
I then started thinking about Avatar, the movie. How they put that same kind of grid thing over him. I started imagining the images and the beautiful Na'vi woman (main girl don't remember her name). That kind of worked so I went to thinking about Jill and Jamie and their faces and laughing. I also thought about Wall-E's paw from this morning. How it poked into the shaft of light from the bathroom and I could only see his lovely delicate paw.

Near the middle when I was really starting to panic, the droning was getting to me. But, I felt like I could hear water dripping beyond the drone. Like dripping in a big atrium.. from far up into a pool below. It felt like that kind of space.. large and echoing.

From time to time my breathing got funny and I had to breathe slowly.

Finally she said "Last one, Melissa" and I was very happy and relaxed a bit. Thinking of the sound, of nothing, of everything.. random images of me in my car and how the dashboard looks.

They pulled me out and my eyes were still closed. This intense bright light was on my face so I didn't open my eyes until they moved whatever it was. After a minute I squinted my eyes open afraid I was going to be blinded by some crazy light source.. and I realized it was the sun coming through the huge windows to my right. The room was dark when I went in... and visibility was 20 ft at best because of snow.
But the sun.. the sun shone so brightly it felt like the first time I've ever seen or felt it. The word "imbue" came to mind because I felt like it saturated me and the room.. all of us.
It was really beautiful and I bit my lip to stop from crying.

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